Some men are not meant to be leaders. WHAT?

I had a conversation with a wife of someone I am mentoring. Her exact words were, Some men are not meant to be leaders. As we were talking I had mentioned that I run a website that helps married men become better leaders called The King of Your Realm. It became obvious that she disagreed with my take on marriage. “Some men do better when they’re following, some women want to be the leader. You don’t really believe that every man can be an alpha male?” No matter what I said, she had something to day contrary to it. She really didn't want to believe that women want a leader for a husband. But, she is not the only one. These are all common objections to leadership that I've heard a lot of times, and even from men. We have been trained to believe that leadership is a character trait, not a skill. That is wrong. We've been told that only the "alpha male" can be a leader in any area of life, especially relationships. That is also wrong. If some men aren't meant to be leaders, then that means some women want to be the leader. In some marriages, it's better for the wife to wear the pants, right? Wrong! Here's is how I know, I know a couple where she is business owner. She's a very confident and strong-willed woman. A natural leader. She even kept her last name when she married her husband because it was better for her business as she was already known in her community. He on the other hand he is an introvert. He stayed home and raised the kids while she went to work and earned the money. If there were ever a marriage where the wife should be the leader and the husband should be the follower, it was that couple and their marriage showed it. He was very passive and she was very aggressive. He was quiet and reserved while she was very outspoken and persuasive. When I spoke with him about it he said he was alright with her wearing the pants in the family. He thought if that is what she wants that he was okay with that. He said that everything was okay for many years. But then the marriage started to fall apart. He said, over time, an invisible resentment began to build up between the two of them. She began to hate the fact that she always had to plan everything. She got tired of being the problem-solver. No matter how many times she asked him to make plans for family time, he never made it a priority. He was always reactive, never proactive, and so she started to feel like he didn't care about her needs. He began to feel unfulfilled. He had a degree in engineering and a minor in science, but he was stuck at home raising kids. He felt unappreciated, and he started to feel like no matter what he did, it was never enough to please her. After 16 years of marriage, they got a divorced. Even with all the counseling they received. Why did their marriage fail? He thought that being a stay-at-home dad meant being the follower. And he felt completely unfulfilled in that role, as if she was an overly critical control freak and he was stuck doing her bidding. At the same time, she thought that being the breadwinner meant being the leader. She felt unfulfilled in that role, as if he was just too lazy and too distant to actually meet her needs. THEY WERE BOTH WRONG! What if he as a husband had actually took responsibility for directing the marriage and the family, even though he was the stay at home dad. What if she had decided that she would trust him as her leader, even though she made the money for the family. What if she came home every night and could trust that he would make sure she got the time with the family that she craved. It is possible, and I strongly believe it would've changed their marriage. See, the problem wasn't that he could not be the leader. He just didn't know he needed to. The problem wasn't that she could not follow and support him. He just never gave her a reason to trust his leadership. And that brings us to the point which is that there is no such thing as a natural leader that is a husband. Leadership is a skill. What if the wife of the man I was mentoring didn’t realize, and what many men never realize, is that being a leader has nothing to do with being an alpha male. You don't have to be an alpha-male to be the leader of your wife or family. You can be introverted and awkward and still lead your marriage. You can be one of those men who hates confrontation and still lead your marriage. You can be a stay-at-home dad and still lead your marriage. Here’s the thing, leadership is not a personality trait. It’s a skill! And like any skill, it can be practiced, honed and perfected over time. This is what The King of Your Realm is all about. It's for men who know that leadership is important, and now they are ready to put it into action inside their marriage. If I knew what I know now, I could have helped save many marriages as well as my own. If you know that leadership is important and want to learn more about becoming a leader in your marriage and need clear direction on what to do if your wife is separated, distant, or having an affair. The Husband League is for you.

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