In the Heart of your Wife. Why she is not coming back... right now.

The purpose of these posts are to give you a realistic idea of where your wife is at in her mind right now. We have to get this negative things out of the way before we can get to the positive things. For example: What you can do to change her mind. So here it is: 1. SHE RESENTS YOU Right now there is no doubt that your wife has built up a big dose of resentment towards you. Not all women will express this resentment as hatred. Sometimes it will come out as pity or coldness. But it will always be there. This resentment is the result of years worth of frustration. Not only from your relationship but from past relationships. It all gets packed into one person, the scapegoat. YOU! It’s the result of countless problems that have not been solved yet. She has convinced herself that it is all your fault that these problems haven not been solved. And the truth is, she’s at least a bit right. But, that’s not important right now. What’s important is the effect that this resentment is having on your wife. Basically, resentment allows her to distance herself from the marriage. It’s like a defense mechanism that protects her from feeling differently about you while justifying her decision to leave. So the next thing will be 2. SHE ALREADY MADE UP HER MIND and now she’s sticking to it. Let's step inside the mind of your wife here: Imagine you feel like you’ve dealt with the problems in your marriage for years. Imagine that you’re starting to lose hope, that you’ve slowly stopped believing the marriage can be saved. You never wanted to get divorced. You never thought you’d be that type of woman. And yet, here you are. You’ve come to a point where you realize that you’re the only one that’s going to try and make yourself happy, and there’s only one last resort left. You make a really tough decision: You decide to leave.

She’s decided she doesn’t like you. She’s decided she wants out of the marriage, and that’s it. You have done too much evil in her mind. What you have to understand is, this decision was not easy for her. It was extremely hard. And now that she’s made the decision, she’s committed to it. It’s going to take a lot to get her to change her mind. It’s not impossible, but it will take a lot. 3. SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE THE CHANGES YOU'RE MAKING So, let’s look at where we’re at: Your wife has a lot of resentment and your wife is committed to the decision she made. If you were in your wife’s shoes, and your husband suddenly started making all the changes that you wanted to see in him months, if not years ago. What would be your reaction? Would you suddenly change your mind about the marriage at the first sign of improvement? Or, would that resentment you feel, that wall you’ve built up, make you pessimistic about the long overdue changes that your husband is making? You probably don’t need me to answer that question. But for those that may not really get it. The answer is NO! Right now, your wife does not believe in you. She doesn’t have faith that the changes you’re making are permanent. In her eyes, you’re just desperate and trying to get her back. She believes that as soon as the marriage is back to normal, the changes you’re making now will fade away. Maybe this pattern has happened before. It did in my marriage. Maybe you have changed in the past, and after she gave you another chance you went right back to old ways of doing things. Either way, she doesn’t believe you’re being genuine. She hasn’t bought into your leadership yet. But, she will. We’ll start talking about how to make that change happen in my next post. It is the very things that I did and continue to do. We’re going to look at exactly what needs to happen in your wife’s heart for her to come back to the marriage, and how you can start making that change happen. Every story is different. Your marriage is personal and unique. If you want to make a change for the better I am here to mentor you through the process. I want to help you become the leader you were meant to be. Learn from my mistakes. Click here to schedule a free consultation so we can discuss the right plan to get you through.