Turn your marriage around

In my last post, we went inside your wife's mind to see what she is thinking right now and just how far she has distanced herself away from the marriage. We are going to stay in the mind of your wife in this post and take a look at how you can turn your marriage completely around. We are going go through this step by step on what needs to happen in order for your wife to come back into the marriage. What you are about to learn is that these are not the things that you should do but these are things that are the fundamental changes that your wife needs to know has changed in you in order for her to re-engage in the marriage with you. Here is a truth about marriage: IT HAS MOMENTUM Once it starts moving in a certain direction, whether it's a good direction or bad direction, it’s much easier for her to keep on going in that direction. Right now, your wife is driving 60 miles per hour towards divorce. The marriage has a lot of momentum in the wrong direction, and you need to stop it. Once it has stopped moving in the wrong direction, you need to find a way to get it moving in the right one. SHE NEEDS TO SLOW DOWN First things first, you need to try and keep things moving slowly. It’s easier said than done, especially if your wife is dead-set on divorce, but it can be done. Give your wife some space. Avoid confrontations; try to keep from getting in any more big fights. I’m willing to bet that you know what pushes your wife’s buttons, so do your absolute very best not to push those buttons at all. Just play it cool, take it one day at a time, and focus on improving yourself. SHE NEEDS TO STOP PUSHING AWAY At first when you try and slow things down, your wife is probably going to try and look for fights. You need to remember that you are the only one interested in changing the momentum of the marriage. Your wife is still in conflict mode. Whatever happens, don’t give in. Recognize that the burden of the marriage is on your shoulders right now, and make a conscious decision to bear that burden happily for the time being. Don’t put too much weight in the things your wife is saying at this point. If you know what you need to do, do it. Just keep things moving slowly, keep improving yourself, keep trying to make yourself into the man you know your wife wants to be with. Try getting a life of your own. Do whatever you need to do to weather this first phase, which is always extremely difficult, and to enable your wife to cool off and stop actively pushing away. SHE NEEDS TO SEE ONE GOOD THING about you or the marriage. Even though this is only the third step, make no mistake, this is a mile stone achievement. If your wife was driving 60 miles an hour towards divorce, by the time you hit this step, she has slowed down to a crawl. She’s taken her eyes off the road in front of her; she’s almost ready to stop the car and make a U-turn. It doesn’t matter what good “thing” your wife sees in you. Maybe it’s that you’re being more helpful with the kids. Maybe it’s that you’re not smothering her all the time. Maybe it’s that you’re getting in better shape. Definitely working on overcoming many of the issues you have to be a better man. These are only a few suggestions. Whatever it is, take it as a victory and keep doing what you’re doing. You’re making progress to work on you and not worry about her. Remember, we talked in a previous post about being obsessed with your wife. SHE MUST BELIEVE THAT THING IS PERMANENT I talked about this in my last post. It’s one thing for your wife to see a positive change in your behavior. It’s another thing entirely for her to believe that it’s a permanent, lasting change that is not going to fade the moment she lets her guard down again. How do you get to this point? There is no magic formula, no equation to calculate, It's simple but mandatory. You must stay consistent. You can prove to her time and time again that the changes you are making are genuine, authentic and permanent right down to the core. Once that happens SHE NEEDS TO BE INTRIGUED. The moment that she asks herself, “Could this man actually change for me?” That is a great place to be in her mind and you want to stay there so that it grows and attracts her. This is when she starts to move back towards the marriage. At this point, she’s making the U-turn. This is your opportunity to start building momentum back to a happy marriage. You just keep doing more of the same. Keep doing what you’re doing. Don't give up, EVER! What you do not want to do here is totally turn on the pressure. Let things happen organically. A lot of men completely change their behavior the moment their wife shows any sign of coming back to the marriage. DO NOT let that happen to you, because it will backfire and can become even worse. Believe me, I know. I could be the poster boy for this. Whatever you’ve been doing until now that caught her eye, keep doing exactly that. Remember, be aware of what you are doing so that you keep that momentum of change within you at the core of your being. You can step things up a tiny bit when you feel it’s time to take the next step. SHE NEEDS TO BE IMPRESSED The moment that your wife is genuinely impressed with you is the moment that she will begin to find herself attracted to you again. Believe me, she loves being attracted to her husband. Your wife noticing a positive change in you is not the same thing as being impressed by it, especially if it’s the first time it’s happened. When she’s impressed, you’ll know it. If you have any doubt, then just wait and see if you get to the next step. If you do, you know that you impressed her! SHE NEEDS TO DECIDE TO OPEN UP Finally, once your wife is impressed with the changes that you’re making, the next step is that she will start to genuinely open up to you again. You will be able to start having conversations about your relationship without it ending in a big fight. She will actually want to spend time with you and learn more about this new man you’re becoming. Maybe she’ll even show a desire to be intimate with you. There is no rule for what this step looks like. It’s one of those things that you just know in your within once it has happened. I’m willing to bet that you know your wife well enough to tell when she has opened up. When you can sense that she has truly opened up to you and when she's opened up not just once, but consistently for at least a couple weeks that is when you will know that you are starting to head back to a happy, healthy marriage with your wife. The articles posted are meant to be supplemental help for my readers. They set a tone but each marriage is unique. I am here to coach you through the change you need to make to be a well balanced man. My focus is to help you take your mind off of your wife and learn to "be" the man you need to"be" so that you can have a happy marriage with your wife again. Click here for a free consultation and lets talk about a plan that is right for you.